“The greater your capacity to love . . .

. . . the greater your capacity to feel the pain.”

I feel like is is impossible to allow yourself to feel, to love, and to live without also allowing yourself to be hurt, be used, or be abused. It is the plague of the modernized world and the plight of the modern woman.

I wish I were better at dealing with it.

Hush Hush

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strain
My love for you was strong enough, you should have known

I never needed you for judgements
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never asked for help, I take care of myself
I don't know why you think you gotta hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So look at me and listen to me
Because

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you to say a single word
Hush hush, hush hush
There is no other way, I get the final say because
I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush hush, hush hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words, I never needed hurt
I never needed you to be there every day

I'm sorry for the way I let go
On everything I wanted when you came along
But I ain't never beatin', broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong

I forgot the lily beetles.

I'm itching for a tattoo. This is what I want to incorporate.
See below..


Flame Lily


Wood Lily


Mariposa Lily

Mariposa Lily (2)


Turk's Cap


Amazon Lily


Guernsey Lily


Aztec Lily


Aztec Lily (2)


This bee is amazing . . .


Kaffir Lily


Carolina Lily / Praying Mantis (cool!)


Butterfly on a Lily!


Butterfly and Spider Lily (amazing)


Water lily and dragonfly


Other dragonfly / lily images:
http://www.fototime.com/68F16D014854497094D265B42DDB3338/standard.jpg
http://www.bestphotoposters.co.uk/catalog/images/dragonfly_on_lily_popUp.jpg
http://i.pbase.com/u46/lindaphelps/upload/29519027.7724pinkwaterlilyorangedragonflycopy.jpg
http://www.kfkproducts.com/catalog/images/05032%20Dragonfly%20light%20jpg.jpg
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3140/2684195614_284b1904b6.jpg
http://sarfaty.us/Japanese%20Gardens/water%20lilly%20and%20dragonfly_std.jpg
http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/1522474/2/istockphoto_1522474-yellow-water-lily-blue-dragonfly.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a2/Dragonfly_on_a_lilly.jpg
http://i1.treknature.com/photos/15274/dragon_fly.jpg
http://www.clearlifephoto.com/Misc/046%20Lili%20Dragonfly%203%20Preview.jpg

“Things could be worse . . .

. . . Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.”

I'm not going to make this into something it's not, but I still have every right to be angry.

I think if I were to dwell on things too much, I might lose the ability to trust altogether. Yes, it's like that. I just did not expect to be blindsided -- a little bit of a warning flag would have been nice.

I know exactly what I want. I know the kind of person I want to be with, the kind of life I want to have, the type of relationship I want to grow old in. I'd be lying to myself if I said anything I've come across this far even slightly fills that criteria, yet I let myself get so wrapped up in maybes, and possibilities, that it still hurts when you're left alone to wonder and, eventually, deal with the inevitable reality of being left alone.

I feel sick to my stomach with resentment. Someone help -- I do not want to be that person.